Family court proceedings often come with rules and limitations, and one common challenge parents face is the restriction on introducing evidence from events that occurred before the last custody order. While you may have a long list of grievances about your co-parent and want to be sure that your attorney and court know EVERYTHING that your ex did wrong, in most cases, what your attorney can present in court is limited to what has happened since the date of your last custody order.

Your attorney may sound harsh for shutting you down, but there are very specific factors that the court will consider in a custody modification. Of primary importance is that there has been a significant change in one or more of these factors. While you may feel it’s helpful to share that your ex has “always” had difficulty being on time, if that’s not a change in behavior since the last custody order, it’s not necessarily helpful to your legal strategy.

So what can you do if you’re stuck in the past? Speak with your attorney regarding what’s going on and begin drawing a clear line between what may have happened prior to your divorce, during the divorce, and since your custody order. Don’t take it personally if your attorney seems to dismiss your concerns about what happened during your marriage! He or she is simply trying to help you focus on facts that could actually be used in court in your case. While your ex may have been a terrible partner to you, he or she is not necessarily a terrible parent, and a court will usually find it is in a child’s best interests to maintain a close relationship with BOTH parents. Journal your hurts and issues with that co-parent that occurred prior to the last order or speak with a therapist or trusted friend to help you move through those concerns.

While it may be hard to remain present and focus on moving forward, is it likely better for your mental health and overall well-being, as well as that of your children. While you may feel the need to share all of the background information with your attorney regarding your relationship with your ex and your case, know that your attorney will never be able to share everything with the court that you feel is important. Trust that your attorney has your best interests – and those of your children – in mind and is presenting your best case to the judge.