Have you seen the funny memes about how people in long term relationships start to look like one another? When we spend lots of time together and manage a common life together, we definitely rub off on each other in lots of ways. But when we split up, those commonalities can start to change and those can cause conflict as people start to co-parent after they split up.
Parents who used to agree on how to raise their children may start to disagree on important child-related decisions as each individual parent makes his or her way forward following the end of a marriage or partnership. When this happens, it can cause surprise and even arguments because we think we know how our former partners will feel and react until they take positions we never saw coming. Sometimes it is the introduction of a new partner into the life of a parent which causes viewpoints to shift. If spouses and partners start to look like and think like one another over time, a new spouse or partner will bring new views and opinions into the mix.
Parents who share joint decision-making authority (called joint legal custody in most legal agreements and orders) are required to discuss and agree on decisions related to their children’s health, education and religion. This means that neither spouse can make a new decision or change an existing choice already made for a child without agreement from the other parent. If a parent has changed his or her viewpoints on topics such religious training, school choice, or medical decisions–such as obtaining vaccinations or medicating for ADHD–the decision already in place stands until there is agreement or a new court order which permits the change.
If you and your co-parent no longer agree on health, education, and religious decisions, it can feel like you are co-parenting with a stranger. There is help available. Rather than letting discussions on these issues get heated and ugly, consider utilizing the assistance of a co-parent counselor or a Parenting Coordinator. A co-parent counselor is a mental health professional who can help you and your co-parent learn to communicate positively even when you disagree. A Parenting Coordinator can mediate disagreements and can even be the tie breaking vote on important decisions so that your children’s life decisions are not held up by parental conflict.
