The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (“IPTG”) can be a helpful tool to guide parents toward creating a successful parenting time plan, at times providing very specific guidance, getting as specific as the hour the child should be exchanged, for example. However, the IPTG are less helpful when it comes to communication with a child when that child is in the care of the other parent.
The IPTG provide that communication with a child should be open, positive, and frequent, and may include phone calls, video calls (such as FaceTime) and letters. The IPTG also provide that a parent should have “reasonable phone or other communication access” to a child. The issue is what is reasonable? The IPTG do not give us a template for this.
One parent may believe that a call with a child multiple times each day, of 30 minutes or more, is reasonable. Another parent may feel like one call per day will suffice, and additional calls or constant texts are a disruption to their parenting time. Many parents feel like one call over the course of a weekend is sufficient. Every child and every situation is different.
While you may miss having your child in your presence 24/7 and feel the need to connect with him or her multiple times each day, that may not be possible in both households, or because of the child’s extracurricular schedule. Additionally, parents can make their own rules regarding when cell phones should also be “put to bed” each night, and allowing constant access to each parent can also open the floodgates to late night texts and communication with friends that interferes with sleep and school performance.
Setting a predictable schedule for when calls or FaceTime will occur can help to ensure that a connection is maintained with the off-duty parent, and can help avoid conflicts. It can also help create a sense of safety and routine for the child to know, for example, that a call with their other parent will occur before he or she gets ready for bed, as part of their nighttime routine.
If you and your co-parent are in conflict regarding communications with your child, consider a Parenting Coordinator to assist and help create a plan to maintain open communication, especially as your child matures and more demands are placed on their time.
