What happens when a child hesitates or refuses to go to parenting time, and the “favored” parent wants to honor that child’s wishes, or feels like they have “won” the child’s affections? The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, which apply to all Indiana cases involving custody, provide, “If a child is reluctant to participate in parenting time, each parent shall be responsible to ensure the child complies with the scheduled parenting time. In no event shall a child be allowed to make the decision on whether scheduled parenting time takes place.” While it may feel appropriate to give a child more autonomy and agency over his or her schedule ads the child gets older, children do not get to decide if they are going to participate in parenting time. It’s an adult decision that should be left to parents.
Sometimes the reasons for child hesitation can arise when a parent insists on “face time” with the child instead of recognizing that childhood is not necessarily always about spending time with parents – particularly for teenagers. It is developmentally age-appropriate for an older child to desire more time with friends, time in quality activities, and other rites of passage like an after-school job. While parents lament the loss of that one-on-one time with a child, permitting a child to launch these activities from both parents’ homes can help a child feel less “trapped” and willing to travel between homes.
It’s when a child stops communicating with or permitting any parenting time with a parent that more interventions should be explored, starting with getting into a counselor. Is there something else going on at a parent’s home, such as conflict with a new significant other, widely different rules, or too much distance to accommodate activities at school? Or is there something more, such as a campaign to “win” the affections of the child by the “favored” parent at the exclusion of the other parent. Regardless, if a conversation with the child and co-parent are not bridging the gap, it’s time to pursue engaging a mental health professional to help and get to the bottom of the issues.
Parenting with a teenager is a long game and getting help before a child leaves the nest is the best strategy to hopefully help create a quality relationship once that child becomes an adult. If you’re struggling with parenting time, talk with a Wanzer Edwards attorney for referrals to the right mental health professional to ensure a successful relationship for you and your child.
