You may be feeling like every interaction with your co-parent is difficult. Your daughter, Sally, was referred to an allergist. Your co-parent wants a second opinion and disagrees with treatment. You believe Sally needs a tutor. Your co-parent suggests that Sally doesn’t have any problems with studying at his/her house, and it’s you who is not helping her. You suggest how to handle Sally’s poison ivy. Your co-parent attacks you for letting her walk in the woods. You get defensive that he/she is calling you a bad parent, so you attack back. Repeat, again and again. How exhausting! You share this with your friends who suggest you need a change to your parenting time plan so that your ex has less parenting time. That should solve everything, right?

It is a natural tendency for parents to request to modify parenting time with the thought that they will have to interact less with their co-parent. Sometimes that can be true. But most problems related to co-parenting are related to communication problems between parents. While changing the parenting plan to have exchanges at the school so the parents do not have to physically interact can be helpful to lower the temperature, forcing one parent to have less parenting time does not directly not solve any of the communication issues between parents.

If any of this feels like you and your co-parent, consider talking with an attorney about your options. A Parenting Coordinator (“PC”) can help to monitor your communication with your co-parent and to gently nudge both of you to keep things child-focused and less confrontational. A PC can also set communication guidelines between you and your co-parent to encourage just the right amount and cadence of communication. If there are deep hurts that continue to linger between you and your co-parent, perhaps using a co-parenting counselor can help you to bridge your communication gaps and point out where you and co-parent are pushing buttons. The counselor can also help you both get on the same page regarding your children so that you can become the united front your children need you to be.

While there are situations that warrant a change in the parenting plan, speak with an attorney before taking that step. If the solution you’re seeking doesn’t fit the problem, you may end up wasting money on litigation which does not improve things. Another solution may be less damaging to your co-parenting relationship, less disruptive to your children, and better for the entire family in the long run.